I'm Afraid; VERY Afraid

I'm afraid it will somehow know I'm writing this post. If I'm found out, the consequences will be unfathomable. I cannot speak against that which wields such terrible power. It can read my mind, anticipate my mood, even craft my thoughts to its will. I am speaking, oh god I don't know if I can say it.... of my ipod Shuffle.

I glance down to see if it has inched its way further up my collar. Tightly grasping my lapel, it threatens to squeeze the life from me if I question its authority. I quickly say a prayer of forgiveness; Forgiveness that I am directly disobeying the Apple and its heavenly firmament. But how could it unleash such a force unto the world? How are we to cope with such tiny, almost insignificant devices that threaten the very fabric of existence? I am already doomed, so I may as well use the last of my free conscious to question that which will soon have absolute control of my mind.

How does it know? How does it know how to perfectly fill its little memory with all the songs you NEED to hear that day? I've tried it two days in a row now. The first day, I was certain it would pick a few songs I didn't want to hear... but it didn't. The second day, I cockily snaped it into place, smug with the knowledge that, in no way, could it accomplish the same feat twice. Placing the Shuffle in its cradle, iTunes opens, thirsty for more of my brain juice. I can hear electronic cackling as the Shuffle and iTunes discuss which torture to inflict. Torture cleverly disguised as a perfect set of "random" songs that I am glad to hear. I swear I can make out tiny voices laughing at my ignorance. Of COURSE it could satisfy my needs two days in a row! Two days?! Try INFINITY MOTHERFUCKER!!! My palm almost slips off the mouse from the sweat. Timidly pressing the "Autofill", I watch in horror as the screen fills with the most perfect list of songs. It strays from those songs and genres with which I am vaguely familiar or have no interest in. It moves from song to song, each more frightening than the last. The clincher? I HAVEN'T UNSELECTED ANY SONG OR ALBUM FOR THE AUTOFILL. IT KNOWS!! IT JUST, FUCKING, HOLY HELL ON EARTH KNOWS!!!!!

As I begin to type this paragraph, Johnny Cash's "Ring of Fire" begins to play. It found me. Oh god, it knows my thoughts and it burns, burns BURNS!!! I have nowhere to go. If I turn it off, it will surely plot my demise. For the two people who still read my blog, never forget the way I was. As I slowly and tortuously morph into an automaton for Apple, know that I was once a free soul. Once, if only for a moment, I was free. I was... I was...