A Day of Joyous Celebration
My precious little brother has strengthened my faith in the human spirit!! Truly, for one to triumph over such evil, such devastation, such hot gay sex is truly something to rejoice!
Ted Haggart isn't gay!
After months of silence, after painstaking soul-searching on the part of his "panel", Ted is finally one of the normals again! He has been in my deepest thoughts as he went through such a painful and embarrassing moment of his life. It's too bad the Evangelicals aren't letting him return because think of what he could offer (other gay prostitutes)?!
Here is a man who underwent an intensive three weeks of counseling (THREE WHOLE WEEKS?! NO WAY!!) and has been reborn as a true heterosexual-to-the-max hunk of bible thumpin' GLORY! He is refocused friends, he truly is. Why, he and his wife are pursuing online masters degrees in psychology (through accredited online universities no less)! Because it would be hard to "heal in Colorado Springs right now" (a city spawned from hell if you ask me), Ted and Gayle will be moving elsewhere. Look out Missouri or Iowa, the Haggarts are probably headed your way! Open your church doors! Welcome them with trumpets and crack pipes! Hail the RETURN OF THE HAGGART!!
Thank goodness "the overseers" were there to help and guide our most precious Ted! He was just acting-out! He was just confused! Which of you hasn't been confused and thought you should pound the ass of a 40-something gay prostitute after smoking meth with him and then going home with more meth to smoke?! COME ON!! He's obviously only done it once because the committee has been searching and searching for OVER 90 DAYS and nobody has come forward! When was the last time you searched for something for over 90 days and didn't find it?? EXACTLY. Lord be praised!
I'm so excited Ted is going into a field where he can help others! To quote H.B. London, one of Haggart's panel members, "Many of us that go into the healing, helping professions do so out of some sort of dysfunction or traumatic event in our lives, and we want to do what we can to help other people avoid what we've gone through. He is certainly gifted and intelligent and has an intuitive side to him. And he has life experience. Those are good credentials." I'll bet Ted has a deep, penetrating interest in helping other middle aged men go through what he went through. Er, I mean NOT go through what he went through! Whoops!
Shout it from the rooftops! Pound the ass of your loved one in vivacious celebration! Ted is RID OF HIS HOMOSEXUALITY!!!
Ted Haggart isn't gay!
After months of silence, after painstaking soul-searching on the part of his "panel", Ted is finally one of the normals again! He has been in my deepest thoughts as he went through such a painful and embarrassing moment of his life. It's too bad the Evangelicals aren't letting him return because think of what he could offer (other gay prostitutes)?!
Here is a man who underwent an intensive three weeks of counseling (THREE WHOLE WEEKS?! NO WAY!!) and has been reborn as a true heterosexual-to-the-max hunk of bible thumpin' GLORY! He is refocused friends, he truly is. Why, he and his wife are pursuing online masters degrees in psychology (through accredited online universities no less)! Because it would be hard to "heal in Colorado Springs right now" (a city spawned from hell if you ask me), Ted and Gayle will be moving elsewhere. Look out Missouri or Iowa, the Haggarts are probably headed your way! Open your church doors! Welcome them with trumpets and crack pipes! Hail the RETURN OF THE HAGGART!!
Thank goodness "the overseers" were there to help and guide our most precious Ted! He was just acting-out! He was just confused! Which of you hasn't been confused and thought you should pound the ass of a 40-something gay prostitute after smoking meth with him and then going home with more meth to smoke?! COME ON!! He's obviously only done it once because the committee has been searching and searching for OVER 90 DAYS and nobody has come forward! When was the last time you searched for something for over 90 days and didn't find it?? EXACTLY. Lord be praised!
I'm so excited Ted is going into a field where he can help others! To quote H.B. London, one of Haggart's panel members, "Many of us that go into the healing, helping professions do so out of some sort of dysfunction or traumatic event in our lives, and we want to do what we can to help other people avoid what we've gone through. He is certainly gifted and intelligent and has an intuitive side to him. And he has life experience. Those are good credentials." I'll bet Ted has a deep, penetrating interest in helping other middle aged men go through what he went through. Er, I mean NOT go through what he went through! Whoops!
Shout it from the rooftops! Pound the ass of your loved one in vivacious celebration! Ted is RID OF HIS HOMOSEXUALITY!!!
posted by Infused Confusion at
2:12 PM
2 Comments:
"I'll bet Ted has a deep, penetrating interest in helping other middle aged men go through what he went through."
I bet Ted has a deep, penetrating interest in deep penetration.
Sorry. Been at work all day. Cranky.
Good post. :)
By
Copy Editor, At
6:57 PM
It seems to me that these groups just prey on people who feel guilty about being gay.
By
Mr. Burns, At
4:26 PM
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