100th Post

As this is my 100th post, I thought it best to take inventory of where I was over two years ago and where I am now. Below are excerpts from days past, eras come and gone, rants extinguished. I haven't perused past posts often, so this should prove interesting (notes in italics are those I added today, 11-20-2006):

September 3rd, 2004: For those of you who haven't experienced the majesty that is the Northwest, I am truly sorry. If you prefer concrete, glass and exhaust to perfect nature.... get your fucking head checked. (indeed)

September 27th, 2004: I'm getting learned. My first class was today at our wonderful University of Oregon. Philosophy 101, instructed by Mark Johnson, is going to kick ass. Philosophy is definately a subject where one could get severely uninterested if the professor isn't glad to be there. It's so unfortunate when that happens - you go to class, get your little notebook and pencil ready and are fully prepared to have your mind expanded, and before you know it you're looking at the clock every three seconds. Happily for me, this won't be one of "those" classes. Mark is obviously in love with his subject, he's articulate and easy to follow and I'm going to have a supberb time. (I'm taking Philosophy of Art with him this ter and, I'm taking another class from him next term. Basically, I'm a Johnsonite - how funny he was the beginning and will be the end of my undergraduate philosophical endeavors. Jesus? Is that you??)

September 29th, 2004: If you don't vote, SHUT YOUR MOUTH. Every time you want to complain that your school bills are too high or how we won't have Social Security in the near future, SHUT UP. Your opinion is totally worthless. YOU MAKE YOURSELF A WORTHLESS CITIZEN WHEN YOU DON'T VOTE. What the hell are you a citizen for if you don't care what happens to you? I've heard your arguments. "I don't like ANY of the candidates for President, so what does it matter if I vote?" So, instead of researching the issues, researching the candidates, it makes sense to just NOT VOTE? THE OUTCOME AFFECTS YOU!! SO VOTE ALREADY!!!! (Yeah! And... yeah!)

October 12th, 2004: Today I was getting ready for school and I shit you not, this thought ran through my head: "If I'm wearing my moonstone and bui seed necklace, I can't possibly wear my ESQ watch, because something "earthy" and something "modern" don't really mix. That would look totally weird - the watch and the necklace. It's like, "hi, I'm a hippie and a corporate banker!" So I probably shouldn't wear the watch. Or the necklace. But the necklace looks good. So does the watch. What the FUCK am I supposed to wear?!" (I plead the fifth concerning the content of this entry...)

November 1st, 2004: You can't tell people what happens when they die. You can't tell people that if they follow one set of ideals that theirs will be a fulfilled life. You can't do any of this and so much more. This isn't sad... IT'S REALITY. ('Twas my credo then, 'tis my credo to this day)

December 2nd, 2004: My dear little brother has taken it upon himself to criticize my blog for not being light-hearted enough. Very well, most precious, sweet little peachy-pooh, this will hopefully liven up my cemetery of a blog.

Click here!

It's true, I am a knighted astronomer who plays the xylophone. Does that monicle make me look fat? (Yes, yes it does)

December 8th, 2004: I put this up for discussion and encourage my readers to tell me what you would do with the following items found in a dispenser in the men's room: A small glowstick, "Tropical Escape" flavored condom, designer-imposter perfume ("Smells just like CK1!") and a lighter. I know what I would do but I still need to find myself a slutty goat. (I only received two responses to this - pathetic!)

January 18th, 2005: I hope this warm weather is finding you all well. Thanks to those who comment on my blog from time to time. Commenting brings you closer to enlightenment. And Jesus. And my mom's face. (I stand by it...)

March 31st, 2005: I just bought my first set of poi and am learning to fire dance. When I imagine myself whirling and twirling about, resplendantly ablaze, I get the best tingly feeling in my stomach. (You should see me dance today. H O T.)

April 5th, 2005: I doubt many people have gone camping, found a dead person, came back, and saw Sting at MacArthur Court last Sunday; but I have. (#1 most interesting weekend of my life...)

May 10th, 2005: I got poison oak. I thought I was immune. No biggie, right? I mean, it's just itchy and gross for a week or so, then it goes away, right?? (And I still have the scar to prove it!)

June 9th, 2005: Homosexuals are as boring as heterosexuals. Spending too much money on clothes and having nice furniture doesn't set us apart on any meaningful level. Neither does loving the person of our choice. Therefore, we should be able to marry. (I was a logician in a former life.)

July 28th, 2005: I normally try not to post something on a subject another has posted on, but in this case, I wish to address Mr. Sentorum's utterance of the word "values" five-thousand-one-hundred-and-seventy-two times during the conversation. (Ding dong, THAT bitch's political career is dead...)

September 24th, 2005: Pronounced "woofer", Evan and I are now certified CPR givin', First Aid administirin', broke bone fixin', blood pressure takin', shot givin', shock treatin', vomit dealin', wound cleanin', elbow/ankle/what-have-you splintin', knot tyin', richeous bad asses. (Fuckin-A!)

October 5th, 2005: This letter serves as my formal request for consideration of any major government position you have available. I would like to state that as a homosexual, I would make a valued addition to the pantheon of cultural backrounds already present in your appointees. I feel that I would work particularly well with the Department of Defense, because getting Donald Rumsfeld and I together would be like Perfect Strangers! Remember when Balfi ate the golf ball thinking it was an egg? That would be just like Donny and me. I would eat some important document and he'd be all, "Paaaaattttriiiiick! Where's my letter to the Pentagon?!", and I'd be all, "But Rummie! Eet vwas sho veery good!" (enter Fred Willard: "Hey, wha happen?"). ('Nuff said)

December 1st, 2005: I don't care who you are or where you're from. If you have the opportunity to reach out from your personal experiences to anyone else, DO IT. You don't have to be gay; speak from your heart, speak from your truthful encounters with others. (I still get teary when I think of the kids at that church...)

January 6th, 2006: There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. (Eat your heart out, Richard Dawkins!)

February 17th, 2006: Forgive yourself if Your Clarity objects to these passages. It is not with objective certainty that you should read that which does not wish to be understood. See with technicolor understanding that you are brilliant in your nature. (No, I wasn't drunk!)

April 16th, 2006:
Teenie 1: "Did you see Todd last night?"
Teenie 2: "Oh em gee. He was totally fucked up."
Teenie 1: "Way fucked up. He all bumped into me and I was like Double-U Tee Eff?"
Teenie 2: "Oh em gee no way! He was all, 'hey baby what's up?' and I could smell puke on him. I was all, Double-U Tee Eff?"
Teenie 1: "Yeah, whatever. Hey, did you hear about the elections?"
Teenie 2: "Oh em gee, I know! Jared and Adrianna totally won!"
Teenie 1: "I know, are you going to the party on Saturday?"
Teenie 2: "No, my stupid mom called and we're going shopping and shit."
Teenie 1: "Double-U tee eff? Why don't you ditch her at like 8 or something?"
Teenie 2: "Cuz' we're going to the Newman Center for church on Sunday 'an if I drink, you know how that'll be."
Teenie 1: "Oh geez, like last time? Real nice, hon. You were all stupid and fucked up. I totally had to haul your shit to the ladies and drop your face in the toilet!"
Teenie 2: "Double-U tee eff?!?! Shut up there's people who can hear you!"