The 200th Post
My dear loyal and true readers, this is the 200th post. I'm not sure what significance that holds, if any, but it's fun to think about (thinking about it..........) okay I'm done.
Memorial Day weekend was spent camping with some friends in the Fall Creek wilderness. We came prepared for the rain and Mother Nature didn't disappoint. Thankfully, the only time it rained was on Saturday but it really came down. Within a 1/2 hour, however, we had Tarp Universe constructed and the entire campfire was covered on all sides so we could stay dry and enjoy the warmth of a raging fire. We also managed to vault a tarp over the kitchen area, so food and drink making could happen without soakege.
I could recount all the shenanigans during our three day extravaganza (all-terrain bocce ball was a highlight), but I keep dwelling on a situation one of my friends is dealing with in her school. She teaches in a middle school and last week was, in a word, hell.
A very out, very proud, very gay middle schooler tried to commit suicide. There were many factors contributing to his attempt, from administrators finding pot in an abandoned locker that he kept, to his suicide note talking about his boyfriend and their relationship issues. What got me, however, was the fact that while in questioning for the pot, one of the administrators was speaking to him about another issue - his public displays of affection with the boyfriend - and said something like, "Look, you can be gay. You just can't act gay."
As my friend said those words, very real and very painful memories began to surface. I was enraged at this administrator, someone who is supposed to uphold the values of our local school district; a school district that prides itself on inclusion and diversity and in fact has very harsh disciplinary measures for students or staff who violate them. I thought about the blatant dig at this kid's identity, an attack on his very self. Why didn't the administrator simply say, "You know that public displays of affection aren't allowed." There is no reason to bring someone's sexuality into play when the school policy is simply "No PDAs" (which it is). From deep within, I started shaking in anger. I wanted to lay into this administrator. I wanted him to feel what it's like to be told that you cannot exist; that somehow, you are supposed to live your life split from yourself to make your actions more "appetizing" for others.
Look, you can be a man. You just can't act mannish. Look, you can be a woman. You just can't act womanly. Look, you can be a person. You just can't act like yourself.
The one place I heard such language thrown at me, time and again, was the church. I'm going to guess that's where this guy heard it too. Or if not, from another ignorant person/body that proudly values segregation over tolerance. My coming out was a tortuous, years-long process that, at its worst, had me absolutely suicidal and at its best, I would forget that people didn't want me for a few minutes. When people who you look up to and respect tell you that you are essentially living to displease others by being yourself, the effects are beyond painful; you are utterly devastated. I remember days where I would barely eat, where I was so mad at myself that I could have "turned out this way." Suffice to say, my heart goes out to this kid and I wish there were an opportunity to educate this administrator in a way he would understand. Maybe the inquiry (which is going on now) will be a way he can understand how ignorant, painful and insidious his words were.
Maybe the 200th post is about something after all. If I stand for anything, it is the wish that each person can freely express themselves, THEIR LOVE INCLUDED, provided such expression doesn't bring harm to others. And don't try to play the "mental harm" card when you see two dudes necking. If you're mentally hurt by two people in love, you have way, waaaaayyyy more issues than I can even go into. It's called therapy and it totally works.
Memorial Day weekend was spent camping with some friends in the Fall Creek wilderness. We came prepared for the rain and Mother Nature didn't disappoint. Thankfully, the only time it rained was on Saturday but it really came down. Within a 1/2 hour, however, we had Tarp Universe constructed and the entire campfire was covered on all sides so we could stay dry and enjoy the warmth of a raging fire. We also managed to vault a tarp over the kitchen area, so food and drink making could happen without soakege.
I could recount all the shenanigans during our three day extravaganza (all-terrain bocce ball was a highlight), but I keep dwelling on a situation one of my friends is dealing with in her school. She teaches in a middle school and last week was, in a word, hell.
A very out, very proud, very gay middle schooler tried to commit suicide. There were many factors contributing to his attempt, from administrators finding pot in an abandoned locker that he kept, to his suicide note talking about his boyfriend and their relationship issues. What got me, however, was the fact that while in questioning for the pot, one of the administrators was speaking to him about another issue - his public displays of affection with the boyfriend - and said something like, "Look, you can be gay. You just can't act gay."
As my friend said those words, very real and very painful memories began to surface. I was enraged at this administrator, someone who is supposed to uphold the values of our local school district; a school district that prides itself on inclusion and diversity and in fact has very harsh disciplinary measures for students or staff who violate them. I thought about the blatant dig at this kid's identity, an attack on his very self. Why didn't the administrator simply say, "You know that public displays of affection aren't allowed." There is no reason to bring someone's sexuality into play when the school policy is simply "No PDAs" (which it is). From deep within, I started shaking in anger. I wanted to lay into this administrator. I wanted him to feel what it's like to be told that you cannot exist; that somehow, you are supposed to live your life split from yourself to make your actions more "appetizing" for others.
Look, you can be a man. You just can't act mannish. Look, you can be a woman. You just can't act womanly. Look, you can be a person. You just can't act like yourself.
The one place I heard such language thrown at me, time and again, was the church. I'm going to guess that's where this guy heard it too. Or if not, from another ignorant person/body that proudly values segregation over tolerance. My coming out was a tortuous, years-long process that, at its worst, had me absolutely suicidal and at its best, I would forget that people didn't want me for a few minutes. When people who you look up to and respect tell you that you are essentially living to displease others by being yourself, the effects are beyond painful; you are utterly devastated. I remember days where I would barely eat, where I was so mad at myself that I could have "turned out this way." Suffice to say, my heart goes out to this kid and I wish there were an opportunity to educate this administrator in a way he would understand. Maybe the inquiry (which is going on now) will be a way he can understand how ignorant, painful and insidious his words were.
Maybe the 200th post is about something after all. If I stand for anything, it is the wish that each person can freely express themselves, THEIR LOVE INCLUDED, provided such expression doesn't bring harm to others. And don't try to play the "mental harm" card when you see two dudes necking. If you're mentally hurt by two people in love, you have way, waaaaayyyy more issues than I can even go into. It's called therapy and it totally works.
posted by Infused Confusion at
10:14 AM
2 Comments:
That's horrible. Insensitive, hateful shit like that should never be tolerated and anyone who comes within 100 feet of students should have to take sensitivity training. The evangelicals will argue that being forced to acknowledge that gay people are human beings violates their religious beliefs, but fuck them. I can't believe the administrator did that. I hope the poor kid comes out of it OK.
Every time you post about how hard it was for you to come out, it makes me sad. You're such an awesome person, I hate to think of how hard that was. :(
By
Copy Editor, At
3:27 PM
That is so fucking ridiculous. Yeah, that just came out of my Christian fingers, but it makes me absolutely livid when people presume to know how God wants people to love. The way I see it, God doesn't make people gay just to torture them. He's, like, the inventor of love, so I'm pretty sure he wants people to love each other. Otherwise it's a wasted feature, like the camera on my cell phone.
And, okay, I'm not a fan of PDAs, but that's mostly because the people I tend to see sucking face are ugly. If they're hot, then whatever their sexuality, they should by all means circumnavigate each other's faces in public.
Dammit, I am really steamed about that administrator. That guy needs a slap-o-gram.
By
April, At
8:45 PM
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