Plagiarism!

The recent mud-bombs originating from the Clinton camp have been targeting Obama's plagiarist tendencies. It is quite evident that his speeches are the exact same as Deval Patrick's. It is also quite evident that the same speech writer who worked for Patrick now works for Obama. During last night's CNN Debate, Clinton said, "I just think that if you're going to make your campaign about words, they need to be your words." ZING! But let's face it, Clinton has her own speech writers. And sorry Mrs. Clinton, but there are several instances in which you've plagiarized John Edwards and your own husband.

Which brings me laboriously to my point. Plagiarism has existed for like, billions of years. Back when the universe was forming (7,000 years ago) dwarf stars were saying to developing stars, "Whatever! I was totally fusing atomic particles before you were even a blip in the molecular cloud. COPY CAT!" The same can be said and has been said by many old people to us, the younger generation. You see, life in general is just one huge cycle of plagiarism. Had my daddy's sperm hit mommy's egg and a squirrel popped out, then something original would have happened. Instead, I was born with the same boring features as any other human being: two eyes, two arms, two ears, two legs and two tails.

So if plagiarism exists on a level as fundamental as DNA, how can we even begin to deal with the written word? All the words in this blog and all the words I have ever used weren't invented by me. They were invented by someone else long ago. It's just fortunate that the creator of English didn't have the good sense to copyright all their words. Otherwise we wouldn't speak at all for fear of being sued for copyright infringement. Even though I sat for countless hours at my computer typing paper after paper in college, each one was plagiarized. I borrowed words, used thesauruses, even copied whole sections of a draft and moved them to where they would fit more appropriately!

Given all my astounding logic, surely you must see that plagiarism is just unavoidable. It's going to happen. It's happening all around us, all the time. The next time you think you have something truly original on your hands, in actuality you don't. You don't because the words you used in your head while thinking of your invention were plagiarized from the originator of English. So when you get all super stoked because you invented something "new," you have to plagiarize even more to write about it and talk about it at your boring conferences. So there you have it. The meaning of life is to plagiarize. That is our purpose, that is our plight. You can take it or leave it, but even then you're plagiarizing the "do" or "not do" dichotomy from history. I rest my case.