Toilet Conversations
I was using a stall in the bathroom this afternoon. Usually there are at least a few people in various stages of excretion but today was nice and quiet. I was enjoying the peacefulness of our building's upstairs bathroom until in the stall next to me, I hear...
*Loud Nokia phone ring*
Sean: Hello? This is Sean.
Voice: (mumble)
Sean: Oh hi Paul, thanks for calling me back so soon.
Voice: (mumble, mumble)
Sean: Yeah, um I can't come right away but can I call you back in five minutes?
Voice: (mumble, mumble, mumble, etc.)
Sean: Okay. Sure, will you be in your office? I would talk right now but I'm kinda in the middle of something. (more mumbling from other side). Okay, thanks I appreciate it.
Sean's Butt: PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT.
It was all I could do to keep from busting up. "I'm kinda in the middle of something"? Well no shit (ha! Shit!). Due to the constraints of typed words, the above text cannot give you the sense of urgency in Sean's voice during that call. It was just slightly strained so while I'm sure Paul couldn't make out the tone of voice conveying Sean's effort to tense his ass muscles, it was palpable from where I sat. Whether Sean wanted it to or not, his doody was coming out now. No dumb phone conversation was going to stand between Sean's waste and its impending freedom.
And can I just ask? Who the hell answers their phone while dropping a load? Who? Unless you have spectacular ass muscles that could pinch off Niagra Falls like me, you should not be picking up your phone. The doody is going to come out. If you know these people, please inform them that the worst time to answer your phone is in times like these. Other times to be included: during a symphony, during a wedding, or during a funeral. There are probably other inappropriate times but all I have to say is that if I call you and I hear the distinct splashes of your waste plunging into a toilet bowl, you can bet I'm going to hang up. Send me to voice mail and call me back when you're done taking your nasty shit! Dude!
I could go on and on, but I have to go. I'm kinda in the middle of something.
*Loud Nokia phone ring*
Sean: Hello? This is Sean.
Voice: (mumble)
Sean: Oh hi Paul, thanks for calling me back so soon.
Voice: (mumble, mumble)
Sean: Yeah, um I can't come right away but can I call you back in five minutes?
Voice: (mumble, mumble, mumble, etc.)
Sean: Okay. Sure, will you be in your office? I would talk right now but I'm kinda in the middle of something. (more mumbling from other side). Okay, thanks I appreciate it.
Sean's Butt: PBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBTTTTTTTT.
It was all I could do to keep from busting up. "I'm kinda in the middle of something"? Well no shit (ha! Shit!). Due to the constraints of typed words, the above text cannot give you the sense of urgency in Sean's voice during that call. It was just slightly strained so while I'm sure Paul couldn't make out the tone of voice conveying Sean's effort to tense his ass muscles, it was palpable from where I sat. Whether Sean wanted it to or not, his doody was coming out now. No dumb phone conversation was going to stand between Sean's waste and its impending freedom.
And can I just ask? Who the hell answers their phone while dropping a load? Who? Unless you have spectacular ass muscles that could pinch off Niagra Falls like me, you should not be picking up your phone. The doody is going to come out. If you know these people, please inform them that the worst time to answer your phone is in times like these. Other times to be included: during a symphony, during a wedding, or during a funeral. There are probably other inappropriate times but all I have to say is that if I call you and I hear the distinct splashes of your waste plunging into a toilet bowl, you can bet I'm going to hang up. Send me to voice mail and call me back when you're done taking your nasty shit! Dude!
I could go on and on, but I have to go. I'm kinda in the middle of something.
posted by Infused Confusion at
2:45 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home