An Open Letter
Dear Hippies,
We have lived here for quite some time now. Over the years, much has changed in the environment, technology and culture. In the 1980s, your efforts successfully halted the rampant harvesting of our native forests. For many of you, this task will never be completed, but you have made significant headway in keeping our lands green and fertile. You have raised our awareness about whole, organic foods. I can go to practically any part of the city and have fresh, locally-raised foodstuffs available for my consumption. Your dedication to equality has also not gone unnoticed. Though you do not necessarily identify yourselves as "hippies," I can smell the patchouli at civil rights gatherings and take comfort in the fact that you are there.
That said, it is time to address a couple of issues which I find contradictory to your aims for a cleaner, greener, happier city:
Your choice of vehicles is positively, absolutely, hopelessly ironic given your values. Those of you who preach of gaseous poisons clogging our atmosphere have made a gross error in judgment when the vehicle you drive is a 60s era VW Bus. My family had one of those when I was little. It was by far the most environmentally unfriendly vehicle I have ever been in. Just this morning, I was walking to the bus stop when such a vehicle passed me. Black smoke billowed from the back end and brazenly displayed on the rear were bumper stickers reading "Mother Earth", "Nature Conservatory" and "Kill your TV."
I always enjoy when irony finds its way into my life, particularly if said irony has nothing to do with me but I can experience it from a distance. This kind of irony, however, I do not enjoy. You see, it is with a very smug sense of self-satisfaction that these kind of hippies roam about town. They would simultaneously espouse their borderline sexual love for nature while smoking their "natural" cigarette and throwing the butt on the ground. These kind of dirty hippies are absolutely disgusting as smokers in the first place. To be throwing that cancerous butt on the ground while at a rally for better salmon habitat protection is... well frankly it's terrible.
You, my co-habitants, need to check it. You are not conscientious protectors of nature, rather, you are an amalgamation of guilt, selfishness and disregard. You would accuse others of being insensitive when in fact your actions contradict what you claim to hold most dear.
And by the way, I will gladly kill my TV when you kill your festering hypocrisy.
Yours,
Infused Confusion
We have lived here for quite some time now. Over the years, much has changed in the environment, technology and culture. In the 1980s, your efforts successfully halted the rampant harvesting of our native forests. For many of you, this task will never be completed, but you have made significant headway in keeping our lands green and fertile. You have raised our awareness about whole, organic foods. I can go to practically any part of the city and have fresh, locally-raised foodstuffs available for my consumption. Your dedication to equality has also not gone unnoticed. Though you do not necessarily identify yourselves as "hippies," I can smell the patchouli at civil rights gatherings and take comfort in the fact that you are there.
That said, it is time to address a couple of issues which I find contradictory to your aims for a cleaner, greener, happier city:
Your choice of vehicles is positively, absolutely, hopelessly ironic given your values. Those of you who preach of gaseous poisons clogging our atmosphere have made a gross error in judgment when the vehicle you drive is a 60s era VW Bus. My family had one of those when I was little. It was by far the most environmentally unfriendly vehicle I have ever been in. Just this morning, I was walking to the bus stop when such a vehicle passed me. Black smoke billowed from the back end and brazenly displayed on the rear were bumper stickers reading "Mother Earth", "Nature Conservatory" and "Kill your TV."
I always enjoy when irony finds its way into my life, particularly if said irony has nothing to do with me but I can experience it from a distance. This kind of irony, however, I do not enjoy. You see, it is with a very smug sense of self-satisfaction that these kind of hippies roam about town. They would simultaneously espouse their borderline sexual love for nature while smoking their "natural" cigarette and throwing the butt on the ground. These kind of dirty hippies are absolutely disgusting as smokers in the first place. To be throwing that cancerous butt on the ground while at a rally for better salmon habitat protection is... well frankly it's terrible.
You, my co-habitants, need to check it. You are not conscientious protectors of nature, rather, you are an amalgamation of guilt, selfishness and disregard. You would accuse others of being insensitive when in fact your actions contradict what you claim to hold most dear.
And by the way, I will gladly kill my TV when you kill your festering hypocrisy.
Yours,
Infused Confusion
posted by Infused Confusion at
8:39 AM
4 Comments:
Fact: I have it on high authority that you had your TV retrofitted so you could actually make love to it, so I know you'd never kill it.
Other than that? Stellar rant, man. I concur in all ways possible. Could you also tell them to stay clear of the street when picketing stuff? And if they won't listen, can you find out how many points they're worth? Thanks!
By
April, At
6:34 PM
You should also factor in the amounts of energy saved and raw materials not harvested because this "hypocrite" chose to re-use and recycle a 30 year old vehicle instead of purchasing a string of new ones.
A VW that is tuned properly will still pass the strictest smog requirements in the US,, those in the state of California.
Still not as clean as mass transit, but way far better than the typical SUV you see passing by in droves.
Think it ALL the way through bro!
By
Unknown, At
7:41 AM
vwsurfari: Well said, but the VW I was referring to would certainly not pass smog requirements. And those kind of VWs are all around where I live. Therefore, while it is admirable that we are reusing instead of consuming more resources, I stand on the fact that it is hypocritical to claim a responsibility towards nature and yet drive one of those un-tuned things around.
And don't you worry; the SUV has its own very special place in my version of hell, basically right at the bottom driving Satan around (metaphorically, of course; I don't think hell actually exists but it's a fabulous allegorical device!). In fact, that will have to be another post entirely. I just can't list the number of things wrong with SUVs in this response.
April: Yeah, so? Jealous? And regarding the points, the answer is not much. Slow moving, after all.
By
Infused Confusion, At
8:32 AM
Oh those Hippies...
Yeah, I think I know the ones you are talking about...
The same ones who believe pot is "spiritual".
Ask one of the children forced into warfare by some drug lord in Asia, or the family of a simple farmer murdered by the same people how spiritual pot is. Viscous mad men have used the millions (billions?) of under ground dollars from the pot trade to supply their little private armies, intent on local domination and who knows what else?
It's no better with home grown stuff. Ever stumble upon a growers field in the woods? They WILL shoot you! Right now!
The only thing spiritual about it are the spirits set free from the bodies of these poor murdered people. They die prematurely at the altar of greed and pleasure.
Now THAT'S Hypocrisy!
By
Unknown, At
11:08 AM
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