Around I Go

I was having extreme difficulty falling asleep last night. My thoughts were plagued by many things, not the least of which was a sincere view of my naked, inner self. I spoke for awhile with Robin about it. I told him that I felt like the kind of person who only learns after crashing and burning. Of course, most people learn this way (by making mistakes), but it seems to be part of my core self. Nothing happened yesterday or the day before to illicit this reaction. However, I couldn't help but focus on my failures. Then I coped by remembering that everyone has failures - lots of them - and we have the ability to learn from them and grow as individuals. Then I looked at what growth means and if I had grown. I didn't feel like I had, but then again, I had my Mr. Mopey hat on.

"Just slow down" is what Robin advised. It's a wonderful thing to have one know you so well that they know exactly what to tell you when the going gets uncomfortable. He's right. I do need to slow down. I don't need to be the first to talk, the first to answer a question, the first to crack a joke. The disharmony I feel isn't because of some external force I am reacting to, I am reacting from myself. It's too easy to make false changes in one's behavior. Some things will change immediately, but I feel that I have a slow change coming on. Something gnaws at my conscious and won't be something I can shake. But like my mom says, "things that hurt are often the most important you can pay attention to".

On my way to work this morning, my thoughts were focused on the upcoming term. How much reading will I have? How much will I get done on my thesis? Am I prepared for this year? I started to get annoyed at the prospect of so much work ahead. My thoughts quickened to a frenzy and soon I was racked by anxiety. Robin's words came to me as if he were whispering in my ear - "just slow down". I wasn't all together placated by this sensation, but I did take a deep breath. Upon exhaling, I felt my world suspend if only for a moment. I felt school as a gift so many do not have access to. I felt the security of a job and roof over my head. I felt the weight of being me, being human, being conscious. I felt an aspect of reality I should access more.

I must enjoy this year. I must enjoy the classes I take, the conversations I have, the graduation in June. I must because if I do not, the frenzy will continue, my life will speed along and I will be left somewhere behind, wondering why I'm moving so fast.

People Are Weird

(phone rings at my new job)

"(name of office) this is Patrick, how may I help you?"

(flustered sorority mom) "My daughter needs to sign up for recruitment, but your website won't let me pay. What's the deal?"

"Has she registered for classes already?"

"Of course she has."

"Okay, well the way recruitment works is that once they've registered online, they must come into the office and pay either by check or cash, so just send her-"

"WHY?"

(trying to placate) "I know, it sounds a little funny but it actually does make sense. A lot of recruit's parents pay for them but don't inform their child. Then, the kid comes down and pays the fee, which means we were paid twice."

"That's stupid".

(a little frustrated, but not letting her know it) "Sorry about that, but it does state this online. She's on campus now, right?"

"Yes."

"Great. Just send her over with $30 and we'll get her going."

"I'm going to do it online."

(confused) "Well, like I said, she's locked out of paying online but we can help her right here."

"What if she dumps her classes and re-registers and I sign her up inbetween that process?"

(seriously confused) "I would strongly advise against that. There are still hundreds, possibly thousands of students trying to get into classes. She'll most likely lose out of taking core classes that she needs for her degree."

"That's what I'm doing."

"Ma'am, please-"

*click*

Boo Fuckin' Hoo

After reading all the stupid commentator's opinions regarding the outcome of the Oregon/Oklahoma game on Saturday, allow me to add my opinion:

1) Bad calls happen all the time. Sometimes they happen for your team, sometimes they happen against it. To say that this call would have been the end for Oregon is true, but that brings me to my second point:

2) OKLAHOMA BLEW IT!!! After that "bad call", we still had to go clear across the field, make a touchdown and the extra point in order to come out ahead. They totally blew it defensively. The game was far from over, which brings me to my third point:

3) OKLAHOMA BLEW IT AGAIN!!! We completely shut them out of a touchdown after an incredible kick return that put them well within striking distance. In fact, I was pretty damn sure they would score something, but no. We blocked what looked to be a perfectly-lined up field goal so too bad.

In the end, Oregon won with perfect execution and a level of dedication bordering on insanity. This game will go down as one of the greatest in Oregon history because when it mattered most, WE SHUT THEM DOWN.

The Bus

I ride it every day. I like walking home from work but at 8:00 in the morning, I'm not about to trudge 45 minutes to my office. That said, I rely on the bus to get me from point A to B, from home to school/work and back again. I am greatful to live in a city that is known for its excellent public transportation (well, for the size anyway) and the frequency at which the bus comes by.

Sometimes the bus smells, sometimes it really smells. I hear horror stories of New York and its public transportation, replete with bums urinating in the terminal corners and pick pockets making their daily take. We don't have either here in little Eugene, but we do have what other, larger cities do not - people not used to mass transport.

I have been to cities where people get public transport. San Francisco is such a place. When riding the BART, one does not have to worry about waiting behind someone who is fumbling through their personal affects because they were waiting in line and the BART somehow snuck up on them. In Eugene, this is all too common. In a typical day, my bus will move down 18th Avenue and at least four of the stops will be held up by people digging to find their buss pass/money/student ID. Now, I could understand if the bus were coming around a corner and was somehow out of sight until it was on top of these people. However, 18th is straight as a rail; a testament to the gridded street layout. Therefore, I don't see why people get all flustered and have to dig when the long-approaching bus has come to a full and complete stop and opened its doors.

"They" say mobile phones are the new phone. I am happy for this trend and I believe it to be one of those things technology is really good for - fast, reliable communication. Now add to this equation the typical narcissist abundant in our society (particularly when they have a fancy new mobile to show off to people they don't know). These are people so adept at loving themselves and everything they say that they can make you part of their lives without ever addressing you personally. I am speaking, of course, about phone conversations on the bus. I know every town's public transport experiences this annoyance so I'm not adding anything new, but nobody reads this blog anyway. My point is this - if you want to re-rout your husband to pick up Khrystinha from soccer practice after visiting your sick mother in Springfield but not before taking Sparky to get de-wormed and then going to Wal-Mart for pantyhoes and butter and on the way picking up tickets to the next Derka-Der Der country music show, I don't need to hear about it. Please keep in mind that I'm not talking about the narcissists I'm sitting next to. No, no, I'm talking about some lady way in the back. I don't feel as though I should have to get my ipod out and drown out Ms. Nasty, but I have little recourse in such circumstances.

Oh well. For all the bitching I could do about the bus, it gets me where I need to go. I just hope the smell washes out...

Not Far From The Truth

Bush: 'History Cannot Judge Me If I End It Soon'

September 7, 2006 | Issue 42•36

WASHINGTON, DC—Despite, or perhaps because of, rising fuel prices, the unpopularity of the U.S. presence in Iraq, and mounting legal problems surrounding his administration, President Bush informed his Cabinet Monday that he is unworried about his place in history, White House sources said. "I'm telling you, pretty soon some things are going to develop so that I won't have history to worry about any longer," Bush said. "History may be written by the winners, but it doesn't get written at all if all of human language is lost in, say, fire storms, right? So I can still get off the hook." Although troubles faced by his presidency have been relatively recent, sources said they believed Bush's plan had been put into motion long before he had even taken office.