A Body, Perturbed

Three weeks ago, Robin and I went with some friends to catch the new James Bond flick. As the movie (or should I say 25,000 hours of previews) began, I felt a rather painful rumble in my abdomen. Assuming it was just a bad case of indigestion, I went to the restroom. The sensation never went away, but I assumed it would eventually as everything turned out fine in the stall. Ten minutes later, not only was the pain worse, but I was sweating and clutching at my face trying to distract myself from my bowels which now felt as though shards of glass were making their way through me. That couldn't make sense, as I had only eaten the shards of glass fifteen minutes prior; surely they wouldn't be out of my stomach yet.

I returned to the bathroom and when I wasn't back in a reasonable period of time, Robin came to find me doubled over and crying from the pain. I needed to go somewhere, that much was obvious. We left and sat in the car while Robin called my mom who happens to be a nurse. She listened as I described exactly what the pain felt like, where it was emanating from and cross-referenced it on the interwebs. She was stumped and during the period of leaving the bathroom stall and sitting in the car, I became very frightened. The pain "moved" from my head to my body, where I was terrified at what might be happening to me. I could no longer rationalize it, I could only try and shift around so that it didn't hurt as badly, which never really worked. Robin took me to urgent care.

It was late at night and the place was deserted. They quickly checked me in, took my vitals and got me on pain medication. The medication they were using is called Dilaudid, ten times more powerful than morphine. It took them five doses to get me to the point where I could lay down long enough for a CT scan. It took another three to make the pain berable. It was clear that I needed to stay in the hospital while they further looked into what might be bothering me.

I woke up the next morning in pain. They had given me control of my own medication, as calling the nurse every ten minutes for more Dilaudid wasn't exactly a good use of their time. The on-call surgeon was stumped and kept saying things like, "Well, we might just have to get in there and look around." What he meant was cutting a huge incision across my mid section and peering into my angry insides. However, the first CT scan didn't reveal much and the surgeon thought a second one would be prudent, this time with my insides color-contrasted. I drank a concoction what tasted like Maalox and Sulfur. It was putrid, but I downed it quickly. Thankfully, the second scan revealed a blockage they would soon find to be Meckel's Diverticulum. Rather than a large incision wound to deal with, I was extremely greatful to hear that they could perform laparoscopic surgery.

After several days in the hospital and a week at home recovering, I returned to work last week looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday. We went to Robin's family's house and I was cleared to eat all manner of food (which I did). The next day, on Black Friday, we had the good sense to go shopping like completely sane individuals who aren't crazy at all ever. It turned out that despite the insanely packed parking lots, the shopping centers were managable and we actually got some incredible deals. Since I had been on pain medication until earlier that week, I barely noticed my jaw pain from the wisdom teeth. After Thanksgiving, however, that started up again.

I had run out of my pain pill prescription from the dentist and called to have it refilled. While on the phone with them, they were worried that I was still having pain and wanted me to come in to look around. Fortunately, they had an open slot while we were running around shopping. I have no cavities, infections or otherwise, so during the visit, the dentist pressed upon my gums and as I winced, said, "Yep, I can see that hurts." My scheduled appointment for the wisdom teeth removal was on the 22nd of January. The dentist reiterated that being on pain medication for that long really wasn't the best idea. That was about the 3,000th time I heard someone tell me that, and every time, my response was the same: "I realize that, but I'm not the one with the scheduling problem. YOU were the ones that scheduled me for January." This time, however, I was a bit more forceful, saying, "Look. I realize this. It is not my wish to keep taking pain medication for dental pain, but I don't know what else to say. You tell me you realize that I'm in a lot of pain, can plainly see as much from my X-Rays, yet you shrug and say, 'see you in January?'"

The dentist paused. "Let me see what I can do," he said while standing and walking away. He came back a couple minutes later with a smile, "How is next Thursday for you?" I felt relieved and told him that would be fine. We went over pre-operation procedures and the medication I'll be taking. I explained my recent surgery and told him I had anesthesia. Since I won't be going under for the teeth extraction, that wouldn't be a problem.

So there you have it. Three weeks ago I'm in surgery for Meckel's Diverticulum and this Thursday, I'll be getting all four of my wisdom teeth out. I'm very thankful to be working in a flexible environment and have enough time off saved up to deal with all this craziness. I'll even have enough vacation time to take the last two weeks of December off. So wish me luck and sacrifice a goat in the hopes that the rest of my body parts decide to stick around for a bit longer.