Mah Teefs

I apologize in advance to all those who have already heard of my recent mouth drama. This post is intended for the billions of readers who have not been informed.

For the past eight years, I didn't have dental insurance. Before that, I was covered on my parent's insurance and therefore didn't have to think about things like money that one has to pay for getting one's teeth attended to by professionals. Ignorance is bliss. Since I took my new job over a year ago, my dearest Robin has been urging me to see a dentist for a check-up and cleaning if nothing else. Last Monday, I went in to have a cleaning, X-Rays taken and wound up getting a clear bill of teethular health! They remarked on how fortunate it was that in those eight years I developed zero cavities and all they needed to do was re-seal the deep grooves in my molars to prevent cavities from ever occurring.

However.

Over the last few months, a steady but increasingly painful sensation has developed along my lower left row of teeth. It feels as though the roots of my teeth are being mashed together, but I was writing it off as growing pains. After my cleaning, it was time for the good doctor to check the dental assistant's work and discuss my X-Rays. After a thumbs up to the assistant on the cleaning, she put the X-Ray sheet up to a lit board and said immediately, "Are you alright? Are you in a lot of pain?" My view of the X-Ray was covered by a concerned look on her masked face and I said, "Well, yeah a little, but it's not that bad." She moved to the side in order that I could see the eerie photo. I gave a start. My wisdom tooth on the lower left was growing perpendicular to my teeth. Not only was it coming straight on like an enamel torpedo, it was already touching the farthest molar. The roots of my molars and other teeth are actually bending away from where they started, being shoved inward by a power-hungry, egomaniacal "wisdom" tooth. I looked at the rest of my mutant jaw and saw the other wisdom teeth were in similar states of tyranny. The one on my upper left was growing into my jawbone; soon to be impacted. The upper right was growing out at an angle, setting up to invade the Land of Cheek. The lower right was a mirror image of the lower left, but farther away from my back molar.

"You need to get these out, pronto," she said with urgency, "if you're not in a lot of pain right now, you will be soon I promise you that."

I left the appointment with a prescription for pain medication, another appointment to get my sealants done (last Wednesday; it was successful) and a consultation with the oral surgeon on November 10th. At some point next month, I will be having all of my wisdom teeth taken out at once.

So until that time, if I happen to be eating with you and you see me rubbing my jaw occasionally, it's because of, uh, my teeth. Yes, teeth.