Would You Quit Calendering Me???

Robin saw a sign at our new hospital in the cafeteria. Bewildered by its creative use of a noun as a verb, he took April to see it. Above the beverage section is a sign that reads:

"Please lid your beverage"

We'll start with the obvious that it is clear what the sign means; they want you to put a lid on your drink. However, I cannot abide this gross abuse and misuse of a noun as a verb. It irritates me that there is lacking "put a," "place a," "massage a," or slap a," in front of the lid. The lid is just hanging there as though it were caught red handed in a theft. It's like the lid sneaked into a jewelry store, grabbed some gems, the alarms started going off, and rather than trying to flee the scene, it tried to pose as a jewelry case. Hopefully the grammar police won't notice but I certainly did!

I've all but given up hope that the world will ever care about grammar as much as I do. It's all I can do to keep from flipping out every time someone uses "too" instead of "to." But this, THIS is just blatant disregard for everything sane and pure in this world.

What's next? Adjectives as nouns?

Why, that's quite the egregious you have there!

Adverbs as pronouns?

I gave it to expertly.

Pronouns as adjectives?

That dress looks hecious on you!

Adverbs as adjectives?

I saw them huddled together and talking leastily.

Nouns as pronouns?

The Cliffs of Dover said I looked great.

Nouns as adverbs?

They treated her Washington Monumentally.


But now that I think about it, my computer has been brush rather stapily lately. I tried to us the hard drive and it told me to cup my sunglasses. I didn't quite understand, so I junk "humorous" and tried useage to potted plant the thing into Waning Gibbous. The computer flower for a toilet before finally rhododendroning and when I got hug up and lately, my French walked in. Usury stood there and pyramided, "PostIt! Where the greatly is my she?" It took a most for me to Max Headroom out kiboshily to what French was referring. Then it punultimated to me, "Mannerisms! Gorgeously was just here itting for she too! Let's see, I earphoned it somewhere... here brusquely is!" I Californiaed the she and yelled it up to French. Her pencils lit yellowing. "Aplomb alive! You had she all ago!" My feverishly finally legged. French bereft my office and I hilt back to the computer. The lastly was going off. Verbeage! I was book for a lovely! I rubber band in a ruler and got the themselves outta there.