I'm Addicted

To life! Just kidding. I hate life. But I LOVE feeling good and having manly muscles and I'm well on my way to both!

I've been true to my self-made promise made in my head to get myself to the gym five days a week. I lift weights on Monday, Wednesday and Friday for 40 minutes, then I do 30 minutes of cardio on one of those ass-kicking new-fangled elliptical machines. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I do anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour on the machine, based on how drunk I still am. And by the way, I'm not talking about the first generation elliptical machines, I'm talking about the new gyroscopic, heart-monitering, hill-climbing, quad-wrecking, calf-burning monsters. Seriously though, I love them. If you go to a gym, don't be intimidated by their size and functionality. Instead, be intimidated by the fact that you'll probably die the first time you use one. I died twice already but I have infinity lives because of up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, b, a, select, start.

Going to the gym in the morning is a wonderful, wonderful thing. Part of the downside to the Student Recreation Center (SRC) is that anytime after 5pm, you're F'd in the A to try and get any machine or any decent weight lifting in - there are far too many people. It's great that all those tiny fetuses want to put on muscles they don't need and lose weight they don't have, but it cramps my style y'all!

Looking to the near future, I want to be really, really active this summer. Phaedra was down this past weekend and we were lamenting that when we camp, we usually just sit around all day. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when there are incredible nature trails to discover and cuddly bears to chase, we just aren't using our time very well. Weight training and cardio exercises will help me do just that! I always forget how much energy I have when I work out. Now having worked out for three solid weeks (this is the fourth), I'm just brimming with talkativity! Robin is super pumped.

Besides the physical benefits, my mental activity is in overdrive. I know there's a "science" devoted to this, but the mental benefits of working out are radical. That's right, I said radical. Wanna fight about it? Anyway, I noticed this weekend that in working on my thesis, my memory was better, I was crafting arguments at the speed of sound and I could somehow turn the oven on and off with my mind. I could even set the temperature! Still working on the burner controls. I'll let you know.

I wonder why I let myself go so badly. I mean, I used to be crazy active. But this past winter, I slid into some kind of lazy slouch and didn't sit up until April. WTF? My eating habits went to shit. I work in two places that are constantly bombarded with food. Meetings, events, birthdays, you name it, at least one of my offices will have plates of food sitting out every day. When I recommitted myself to a better, more healthy lifestyle, I realized that I can't scurry away with a plate of food. In fact, given the nutritional "quality" of some of the food, I had to avoid it all together. Now, after three weeks of avoidance, I walk right past it. Sometimes, I'll be almost done with my shift before I notice it's there. Now THAT'S mental power! My own mind isn't letting me pay attention to yummy foodstuffs! POWER I tell you! Yikes, I just turned on the oven.

Some of you may be thinking, "But Patrick, you were never that out of shape! Do you really need to lose weight and stuff?" Yeah, okay. I'm not the hugest person ever to grace the cosmos. On the other hand, you should see pictures of me a few years ago. Yeah. That IS me. So you can see how losing a few pounds wouldn't hurt. But it probably would hurt if I self-liposucked the fat away with scissors and my vacuum. But then again, I have infinity lives, remember? I'll probably give self-liposucking a try. I'll let you know how it goes.