Stupid Dirty Dancing (My First Movie Review!)

So here's the deal. I've never seen Dirty Dancing. Ever. So just get over your shock and close your mouth already. Anyway, our office has a fancy new plasma tv on which we occasionally play movies. We have a broad range to choose from. For instance, yesterday was Fantastic 4 which was fantastically horrible to the third power times infinity. Today, my boss plopped in Dirty Dancing and I had to endure the inevitable, "YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THAT MOVIE?!", from all the girls in the office. Like, OMG.

The movie wasn't horrible. It was kinda entertaining, but the dialogue was precisely what I imagined it to be. Dancin' drama! But an itch started in my butt towards the beginning of the movie and it bugged me the whole way through. So, Baby is in a gazebo with a bunch of other people. There's this shalacked, bedazzled prostitute teaching them to "shake their maraccas", but not before teaching them to step from one side to another. In written form, I can explain this dance quite easily: Take one step to your left, then take one step to your right. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Baby is in the middle of one of the lines, struggling to step back and forth. They made her character development as a bad dancer all the more obvious by squeezing her in between old crusties and children who were effortlessly stepping back and forth. She was looking around, all "Geez this is hard! Like, it's really super hard!" The embarrassment only furthered when the shiny prostitute pronounced that they were going into a conga line! Yippee! But not for Baby. Poor Baby. She didn't know how to put hands on other people's hips and walk. Forward. With the line. Oh, and occasionally kick one of your legs out to the side.

Look, I get it. The point is to establish her as an awkward, totally unexperienced dancer who, 45 minutes later, would be hoisted into the air by a virile Patrick Swaze. But it was so painful to establish. In my mind, the establishment of her character was akin to the establishment of a building planned by laughing hyenas. Laughing hyenas who, as hyenas, are totally unqualified to build something other than a social hierarchy. Certainly not buildings. Actually, the hyenas would be a lot more funny. And perhaps sexy because Patrick Swaze, even then = NOT sexy.

Grade for the movie: C+
Would I recommend it to a friend? Totally because I hate my friends.