Talk Drty Or No Play
The following situation happened to me once before. I probably didn't blog about it because I was too scarred. I'm way fragile. Or most likely, I didn't blog about it because I was lazy and doped up on Lady H. Whatever the case, it happened again this morning and this time, I'm not nearly as high, so I can relate the happening to you.
Yahoo.com is good for many things. Like supporting my friend Eric and giving he and his staff full-body massages twice a day and a Gulfstream V in order to lunch in Paris and dinner in Tokyo. That's nice and all, but what I like them for best is their good 'ol games such as Backgammon, Canasta, and most of all Cribbage. I'm sure other places like MSN have similar games, but I don't support MSN because they try to make you download their piece of shit browser, the ever craptastic Internet Explorer. I digress.
I logged on for a few rousing games of cribbage. My handle is "geminious2000" so if you ever get the cribbage bug (which I know you totally do), give me a jingle. But otherwise, do as I do and play random people in the "intermediate lounge". I sometimes run across chatty, friendly types like retirees or other school kids. Most often, however, I run across people who take cribbage (and their cumulative score) waaaaayyy too seriously. When I give the usual "hi gl" (hi and good luck), they don't reply, they just play. Okay fine. I'm not there to make friends either. Besides, people with that sort of demeanor have an obvious personality problem revolving around the 17 cats they own that crap all over the house.
But then there are the weirdos. Like those whose fantasies involve talking dirty while playing cribbage. If you need to read that sentence again, I completely understand. If for some reason you don't believe me, I provide the following dialogue, between myself and another player just this morning:
Me: hi&gl
Him: ...
Me: ...
(the first few cards are thrown)
Him: u sexy?
Me: what? are you serious?
Him: i bet u sexy
Me: aren't we playing cribbage?
(first hand finishes, waiting for him to throw to my crib)
Him: mmmm. I kno u sexy.
Me: look, I'm not here to get off. I just want to play. can we just play?
(three cards into the next hand)
Him: talk drty
Me: WHAT?
Him: talk drty an touch it
Me: no! do you want to play or not?!
Him: talk drty or no play
Me: fine, then no play
(He disconnects immediately)
Just when you thought the Dictionary of Fetishes couldn't get any larger, I have one to add:
Cribbage Jizzer: n. A male who utilizes an online cribbage account to initiate sex-laden dialogue with unsuspecting person. If successful, the dialogue will cause the cribbage jizzer to jizz his pants, ending in a feeling of euphoria. Uses: 1 I have never met a real cribbage jizzer before! 2 Yeah, well at least I'm not a cribbage jizzer. 3 Did you see that nice cribbage jizzer down at the barber shop?
Yahoo.com is good for many things. Like supporting my friend Eric and giving he and his staff full-body massages twice a day and a Gulfstream V in order to lunch in Paris and dinner in Tokyo. That's nice and all, but what I like them for best is their good 'ol games such as Backgammon, Canasta, and most of all Cribbage. I'm sure other places like MSN have similar games, but I don't support MSN because they try to make you download their piece of shit browser, the ever craptastic Internet Explorer. I digress.
I logged on for a few rousing games of cribbage. My handle is "geminious2000" so if you ever get the cribbage bug (which I know you totally do), give me a jingle. But otherwise, do as I do and play random people in the "intermediate lounge". I sometimes run across chatty, friendly types like retirees or other school kids. Most often, however, I run across people who take cribbage (and their cumulative score) waaaaayyy too seriously. When I give the usual "hi gl" (hi and good luck), they don't reply, they just play. Okay fine. I'm not there to make friends either. Besides, people with that sort of demeanor have an obvious personality problem revolving around the 17 cats they own that crap all over the house.
But then there are the weirdos. Like those whose fantasies involve talking dirty while playing cribbage. If you need to read that sentence again, I completely understand. If for some reason you don't believe me, I provide the following dialogue, between myself and another player just this morning:
Me: hi&gl
Him: ...
Me: ...
(the first few cards are thrown)
Him: u sexy?
Me: what? are you serious?
Him: i bet u sexy
Me: aren't we playing cribbage?
(first hand finishes, waiting for him to throw to my crib)
Him: mmmm. I kno u sexy.
Me: look, I'm not here to get off. I just want to play. can we just play?
(three cards into the next hand)
Him: talk drty
Me: WHAT?
Him: talk drty an touch it
Me: no! do you want to play or not?!
Him: talk drty or no play
Me: fine, then no play
(He disconnects immediately)
Just when you thought the Dictionary of Fetishes couldn't get any larger, I have one to add:
Cribbage Jizzer: n. A male who utilizes an online cribbage account to initiate sex-laden dialogue with unsuspecting person. If successful, the dialogue will cause the cribbage jizzer to jizz his pants, ending in a feeling of euphoria. Uses: 1 I have never met a real cribbage jizzer before! 2 Yeah, well at least I'm not a cribbage jizzer. 3 Did you see that nice cribbage jizzer down at the barber shop?
posted by Infused Confusion at
9:40 AM
4 Comments:
Blog drty or no comment.
just kidding
By
Mr. Burns, At
4:25 PM
Aside from the obvious that no self-respecting woman would do that.... how do you know the other player was male?
By
Copy Editor, At
6:41 PM
You get a little avatar, of sorts, in the form of customizable hair, eye color, skin color, hat or no hat, jewelry or no jewelry. Yahoo is very racially sensitive. This particular Cribbage Jizzer was slightly balding and white.
By
Infused Confusion, At
7:15 AM
Ah, I see.
Eeew.
By
Copy Editor, At
11:12 PM
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