When Queens Collide
Last night, I was at dinner with two close friends. Both are gay, and one of them was describing two queens at his work. By "queens", I mean the over-the-top, flamboyant, fah-habulous gay men that have infiltrated society. Case in point - one of them speaks with an "English" accent but is not from nor has ever been to England. The other is just as socially inept, making reference to everything gay in any conversation of which he is a part. I've had the *pleasure* of meeting this one and he holds the world record for number of overtly sexual, awkward comments in a two-minute conversation. My friend at dinner went on to describe how these two absolutely despise one another. There is no real reason, other than their personalities are black holes of gayness, taking everything you say and making it disappear into a flippant comment about so-and-so's atrocious outfit or he-and-he's tight ass.
My point is this: colliding queens is a phenomenon all too common amongst us gay men. It's interesting to be part of a minority group that holds in-fighting as one of its most treasured vaules. In many gay circles, your worth as a caddy bitch depends on your ability to cut down someone you know only by appearance. I don't expect everything to be rosy and wonderful. And of course our political goals are one in the same. But when it comes to basic friendship, it can be indescribably difficult.
Y'all know me. I'm as opinionated as I can be, but I don't let that stop me from meeting others. Some of the best people I know wear atrocious outfits and don't have tight asses. I don't qualify meeting someone on whether or not I can stomach their paisley shirt (note to the world: throw away all your paisley). So, what is it then? What makes this such a phenomenon amongst the gays?
One word: insecurity. I'm not well-read enough in psychology to call it a coping mechanism, but it seems like that to me. I think any good psychologist can find coping mechanisms in anyone; it's kinda our human condition. For instance, I have an insatiable desire for good grades in school. It goes beyond planning for grad school. There is a primal need I have to impress others through my exploits as a great student. By "others", I mean professors. My family and friends know how zany I am about school, but my professors don't... well, they do now.
Is it a bad thing to excel at university? Of course not. I have also been fortunate enough to find a discipline in which I truly engage the material and look forward to class. But all this talk about how impressive and awe-inspiring my grades are doesn't further our conversation about the queens.
Every gay man experiences tremendous insecurity at one point or another. There is really no way around it in a society that largely regards gay people as a phenomenon rather than one of them. That said, how people cope with such a situation largely depends upon their ability to lift themselves above the muck and appreciate who they are anyway. My argument is that for certain people in the gay community, their way of coping is not to simply rise above the muck, but instead to blast off to another universe and spit upon the muck they think they left behind.
My advice to the queens is this: you can be funny without being caustic. You can make real, lasting friendships without stabbing people in the back. You can succeed because you're you, not because you play the gay card better than others. And finally, don't do drugs and stay in school.
My point is this: colliding queens is a phenomenon all too common amongst us gay men. It's interesting to be part of a minority group that holds in-fighting as one of its most treasured vaules. In many gay circles, your worth as a caddy bitch depends on your ability to cut down someone you know only by appearance. I don't expect everything to be rosy and wonderful. And of course our political goals are one in the same. But when it comes to basic friendship, it can be indescribably difficult.
Y'all know me. I'm as opinionated as I can be, but I don't let that stop me from meeting others. Some of the best people I know wear atrocious outfits and don't have tight asses. I don't qualify meeting someone on whether or not I can stomach their paisley shirt (note to the world: throw away all your paisley). So, what is it then? What makes this such a phenomenon amongst the gays?
One word: insecurity. I'm not well-read enough in psychology to call it a coping mechanism, but it seems like that to me. I think any good psychologist can find coping mechanisms in anyone; it's kinda our human condition. For instance, I have an insatiable desire for good grades in school. It goes beyond planning for grad school. There is a primal need I have to impress others through my exploits as a great student. By "others", I mean professors. My family and friends know how zany I am about school, but my professors don't... well, they do now.
Is it a bad thing to excel at university? Of course not. I have also been fortunate enough to find a discipline in which I truly engage the material and look forward to class. But all this talk about how impressive and awe-inspiring my grades are doesn't further our conversation about the queens.
Every gay man experiences tremendous insecurity at one point or another. There is really no way around it in a society that largely regards gay people as a phenomenon rather than one of them. That said, how people cope with such a situation largely depends upon their ability to lift themselves above the muck and appreciate who they are anyway. My argument is that for certain people in the gay community, their way of coping is not to simply rise above the muck, but instead to blast off to another universe and spit upon the muck they think they left behind.
My advice to the queens is this: you can be funny without being caustic. You can make real, lasting friendships without stabbing people in the back. You can succeed because you're you, not because you play the gay card better than others. And finally, don't do drugs and stay in school.
posted by Infused Confusion at
1:35 PM
1 Comments:
"The other is just as socially inept, making reference to everything gay in any conversation of which he is a part. I've had the *pleasure* of meeting this one and he holds the world record for number of overtly sexual, awkward comments in a two-minute conversation."
This sounds exactly like a friend of mine from high school. Once he came out of the closet, it was like he went out of his way to be as stereotypically gay as possible. He talks incessantly about various parts of the anatomy of every guy he sees and is convinced that every man on earth is checking him out 100% of the time and he sincerely believes that like 90% of the people we know are gay.
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Copy Editor, At
9:34 PM
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