Lucy

Coming home from Lily and Ben's last night, Robin and I were driving up Chambers to our little home on the hill. Just as we were about to cross 13th, a beagle ran across Chambers, came close to being hit, and zipped towards 12th. I began to whimper when Robin said, "do you want to go get it?"

I bolted out of the car and did my "hey dog I don't know but you can trust me 'cuz I'm really nice and wanna take care of you" routine. Crouching softly on the grass, I lightly padded the ground in front of me and uttered several "come" commands to the beagle. She would come within inches and then dart off again, wanting me to play with her. The game persisted for about five minutes until she lowered her head, began to wag her little tail and inch towards me. I grabbed hold of her collar and oddly enough, she didn't try to escape. Rather, she stood there in awkward silence, as if she just started to realize the error of her ways.

I sifted through the six tags on her collar to find the AVID tag (electronic chip tag) and the phone numbers for her owners. By this time, Robin had parked the car and was trying all the numbers Lucy had to give. AVID said to call Greenhill, which was closed. The two numbers for Lucy's mommy were going to voicemail. We stood there for a few minutes, reviewed our options and the only way we saw the situation was to take Lucy home with us.

Lucy was the sweetest dog. Her eyes were droopy and soft and I could tell by her distended nipples that she had not one or two but several litters of pups. We would later discover that she was a breeding dog who hadn't been cared for very much in her younger years. When I held her, she leaned into me and stayed absolutely still, knowing that I wasn't going to harm her. Our cat, on the other hand...

For those of you who know our kitty, you know she is the sweet yet opinionated type (kind of like two gay boys you know?). We knew she wouldn't like the unwelcomed stranger stinking up her house, but we had little alternative. As we don't have a fenced backyard, we couldn't plop Lucy out there. Our solution was to move Luna's litter box from downstairs to the bathroom and put Lucy downstairs with some water and blankets. Meanwhile, Luna would approach the downstairs door and hiss, informing our new friend that she could go to hell any time she liked. Once Lucy would bump the door or issue a low bark, Luna would skamper up the stairs and perch in our doorway, staring intently at the entrance to downstairs. Robin tried to console her, only to have Luna look at him with utter annoyance and disapproval. I'm fairly sure Luna would have been telling us to go to hell too if she could talk.

We watched some t.v. and it was becoming time to go to bed. We brought Luna into the room with us because we felt so bad for her. Just as we layed down, Lucy began to bark. She didn't bark loudly or constantly, but intermittant, low barks to let us know she'd rather be upstairs thank you very much. The barking continued for three or so minutes when we realized something had to be done. I took Lucy out of the basement, cleared the office floor and put her blankets down with the water. Placing her in the office would shut her up, I so cleverly thought.

When the barking didn't stop again, I went into the office, rolled out the spare bed and layed down with Lucy, hoping that with some company she woud be more secure and would fall asleep too. I was right. We were just dozing off as Robin entered the room with fantastic news. Lucy's mommy called! Turns out she was out of town and Lucy had escaped from the sitters house (ouch).

At about 11:30, Lucy's mommy arrived and was so thankful we took care of her baby. This is the point when I found out about Lucy being a breeding dog and also discovered that her mommy was really new; only one week old. A few pleasant words later, Robin and I went back into the house and fell fast asleep. I usually sleep well, but after all that, I was out like a drunk on Tuesday. Oh, and rescuing a dog made me feel good ;)

Double-U Tee Eff?

Submerged in an ocean of barely 20-somethings, I often find my college experience awkward. This sensation is only realized when I hear of the latest band or artist with whom I have no familiarity or the latest slang that sounds like another language. I used to be so on top of my game. Compounded with this is the reaction I get when I tell my teeny-bopper classmates that I'm 25. The look at me in horror and disgust, as if I just informed them that I like to smear poop on my face when I'm bored.

Submitted for your enjoyment is an excerpt of an actual conversation I overheard in Astronomy 123 today (last 4 science credits, baby!!):

Teenie 1: "Did you see Todd last night?"
Teenie 2: "Oh em gee. He was totally fucked up."
Teenie 1: "Way fucked up. He all bumped into me and I was like Double-U Tee Eff?"
Teenie 2: "Oh em gee no way! He was all, 'hey baby what's up?' and I could smell puke on him. I was all, Double-U Tee Eff?"
Teenie 1: "Yeah, whatever. Hey, did you hear about the elections?"
Teenie 2: "Oh em gee, I know! Jared and Adrianna totally won!"
Teenie 1: "I know, are you going to the party on Saturday?"
Teenie 2: "No, my stupid mom called and we're going shopping and shit."
Teenie 1: "Double-U tee eff? Why don't you ditch her at like 8 or something?"
Teenie 2: "Cuz' we're going to the Newman Center for church on Sunday 'an if I drink, you know how that'll be."
Teenie 1: "Oh geez, like last time? Real nice, hon. You were all stupid and fucked up. I totally had to haul your shit to the ladies and drop your face in the toilet!"
Teenie 2: "Double-U tee eff?!?! Shut up there's people who can hear you!"

Purple Tabs at Hallmark

Robin and I went to Hallmark this weekend to search out a birthday card for our new friend Aimee. Side note: she's not officially our friend yet (closing is pending a few signatures and initials) but it's pretty much a done deal. Anyway, I really must tell you about the purple tabs at Hallmark.

If you don't know already, Robin and I won't get you an actual birthday card for your birthday. We haven't yet and we're not about to start ever. Ask any of our friends who have had birthdays in the previous two years and they'll tell you. We do this because we crack ourselves up in the process, regardless if the friend is hip to our groove (though they usually are).

Each section in a Hallmark store has a set of purple tabs all bunched together with very, very, very specific cards. I'm not going to tell you all the different cards you can find there; you'll have to go yourself. However, in the "congratulations" section did we find the perfect card for Aimee. Amongst the cards praising newly-enlisted Eagle Scouts was an card for the opposite, Girl Scout. I guess the equivalent of the Eagle Scout award for Boy Scouts is the Girl Scout Gold Award. Robin handed it to me and I just about peed my pants. You must realize that for our sense of humor, particularly for our friends writ large, these cards are damned hilarious. What could be funnier than receiving a compliment on your achievement as a Girl Scout when you're not one? According to me and Robin, not very much.

I beseech all of you to uncover your nearest Hallmark store and search the cards for the most random, off-the-wall shit you can. Believe me, you won't be disappointed.

When I Write Commercials...

I hope everyone will do one of their own!

Check out my Chevy Tahoe commercial here.

Thanks to Jobetta for the idea!!

Note: It would appear they took down the entries on the site, as the contest closed. I'm sorry if you missed it.

The Meaning of My Birthday

Your Birthdate: June 19

You are resilient, and no doubt your resilience has already been tested. You've had some difficult experiences in your life, but you are wise from them. Having had to grow up quickly, you tend to discount the advice of others. You tend to be a loner, having learned that the only person you can depend on is yourself. Your strength: Well developed stability and confidence Your weakness: Suspicion of others Your power color: Eggplant Your power symbol: Spade Your power month: October

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?