Purple Tabs at Hallmark

Robin and I went to Hallmark this weekend to search out a birthday card for our new friend Aimee. Side note: she's not officially our friend yet (closing is pending a few signatures and initials) but it's pretty much a done deal. Anyway, I really must tell you about the purple tabs at Hallmark.

If you don't know already, Robin and I won't get you an actual birthday card for your birthday. We haven't yet and we're not about to start ever. Ask any of our friends who have had birthdays in the previous two years and they'll tell you. We do this because we crack ourselves up in the process, regardless if the friend is hip to our groove (though they usually are).

Each section in a Hallmark store has a set of purple tabs all bunched together with very, very, very specific cards. I'm not going to tell you all the different cards you can find there; you'll have to go yourself. However, in the "congratulations" section did we find the perfect card for Aimee. Amongst the cards praising newly-enlisted Eagle Scouts was an card for the opposite, Girl Scout. I guess the equivalent of the Eagle Scout award for Boy Scouts is the Girl Scout Gold Award. Robin handed it to me and I just about peed my pants. You must realize that for our sense of humor, particularly for our friends writ large, these cards are damned hilarious. What could be funnier than receiving a compliment on your achievement as a Girl Scout when you're not one? According to me and Robin, not very much.

I beseech all of you to uncover your nearest Hallmark store and search the cards for the most random, off-the-wall shit you can. Believe me, you won't be disappointed.