Need a Little Help Here

Just what in the bajeezus is happening? Is she alright? What is up with her face? Is this what ladies do when they reach a certain age? What, exactly, is she exercising?

Winter Sparkle

It is a rare thing indeed to receive snow in the Willamette Valley. However, on Sunday night we were treated to several hefty inches and sub-zero high temperatures. Those temperatures are lasting which means the snow and ice is too.

On Monday, our local mass transit system basically shut down. I got up at the regular time, expecting to be met with a shuttle that would take me to the nearest station where buses could pick me up. I waited for a good ten minutes before an official looking vehicle approached, but not to pick me up. Instead, they told me that a bus had tried to make it up the hill but had instead gone sideways and was completely blocking the street a ways down the road. At that point, they said not even shuttles were coming up so just go home and stay warm. I texted my boss and told her as much.

Around 10am, my boss called and said she was able to catch a bus 15 blocks from my house (near hers). I bundled up and headed out. Working my way down the frozen street, I passed several elated children, one of whom asked whether I was having a snow day like her. I chuckled and said that I was going to work and she produced an incredible look of pity. Why was I trying to go to work anyway? The weather was absolutely horrible. The chances of me slipping and breaking something were quite high, but nonetheless I persevered. I made it to the point where my boss was picked up. Rather than a shuttle, I was again met with the same official vehicle who again said a bus had slid and blocked traffic. It wasn't my boss's bus, thankfully. I inquired about the shuttle and was again told that the road was blocked, but hopefully in an hour or so it would be clear. This was at 1pm. I headed back home.

Robin and I spent the cold afternoon bundled up and watching TV. Kitty was curled and purring loudly in my lap. We watched people go for walks and take sleds down the street. It was a wonderful sight indeed.

We didn't get any new snow overnight, so I rose early to see if the buses were running normally again. They weren't, but I was confident the shuttle system must at least be going more smoothly. I set out early with the intention of making it to the station from which buses were running. It's a good 45 minute walk from my house. This was the same station to which shuttles were ferrying riders. When I left it was 10 degrees outside. The air stung my ears and nose like it never had. I couldn't remember the last time I was in this kind of cold; including ski trips to Mt. Hood. I kept an eye out for the shuttle on my brisk morning walk. I also kept an eye for buses, on the freak chance they chained up and dared to climb the hills.

It was a good thing I didn't rely on the shuttle system as on my entire walk I didn't see one, yet I passed many people waiting for it. At one stop, a guy said, "Looking for the shuttle?," I said, "Yep, but after yesterday I'm not trusting it. I'm walking to the station." He paused for a few seconds before saying glumly, "I've been waiting for thirty minutes. How far is the station from here?" I told him it was another twenty minute walk and he stood there kicking the snow. After a few blocks I glanced behind me to see him follow suit.

The walk out of our hills isn't treacherous at all, considering a nice path winds gently down and between the steep inclines. The only thing preventing a successful decent would be the inch thick ice under foot, but I took it easy and kept my eyes towards the ground. Many blocks from the house, the path spills into one of our local parks. I walked under ice-covered branches and into a field where the sun was just cresting a hill. The entire city was lit up and sparkling like I had never seen before. The sky was a piercing blue, almost swallowing the umber tinge of morning sunlight. I stopped for a moment, opened my mouth and breathed deeply. The breath was short-lived, as my body reacted with a hearty cough thanks to the 10 degree air. I laughed at my stupidity, as breathing that deeply should probably be done through the nose considering the temperature. I looked around and smiled at the gleaming landscape. I picked up my feet and began moving straight across a field, happily crunching through snow.

I am very, very glad of my decision to walk through this weather and into a waiting, warm bus. Mid-western friends of mine often regale me with stories of bracing cold and unforgiving amounts of snow. But here in Oregon, when we're lucky enough to get snow, it isn't often that it sticks around. I'll settle for the cold in order to have a morning walk like that. In fact, I plan on doing it again tomorrow.

ADDENDUM: When I was dropped off at the station after work, I expected the shuttles to ferry me close to home. In fact, our local transit system had provided only two 7-person vans to accomplish this task, and there were at least twenty people waiting for them. When they pulled up, I was cut off by a young lady who pretended not to hear my protest as she buckled in. The drivers told us it would be another 30 to 45 minutes before they returned. I promptly put in my earphones and began the walk home. While I still enjoyed the icy cold weather, walking in the dark on ice isn't the best thing one should do. But hey! Maybe I could fall and shatter my elbow or something. Only two more surgeries to go before I get down to my goal weight!!

I Am Not a Crook

Nobody told me a side effect of having one's impacted wisdom teeth removed was turning into Richard Nixon.

My Assumption, Three Weeks Ago

Here's exactly the precise thing I was thinking three weeks ago in the movie theater:

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

A Body, Perturbed

Three weeks ago, Robin and I went with some friends to catch the new James Bond flick. As the movie (or should I say 25,000 hours of previews) began, I felt a rather painful rumble in my abdomen. Assuming it was just a bad case of indigestion, I went to the restroom. The sensation never went away, but I assumed it would eventually as everything turned out fine in the stall. Ten minutes later, not only was the pain worse, but I was sweating and clutching at my face trying to distract myself from my bowels which now felt as though shards of glass were making their way through me. That couldn't make sense, as I had only eaten the shards of glass fifteen minutes prior; surely they wouldn't be out of my stomach yet.

I returned to the bathroom and when I wasn't back in a reasonable period of time, Robin came to find me doubled over and crying from the pain. I needed to go somewhere, that much was obvious. We left and sat in the car while Robin called my mom who happens to be a nurse. She listened as I described exactly what the pain felt like, where it was emanating from and cross-referenced it on the interwebs. She was stumped and during the period of leaving the bathroom stall and sitting in the car, I became very frightened. The pain "moved" from my head to my body, where I was terrified at what might be happening to me. I could no longer rationalize it, I could only try and shift around so that it didn't hurt as badly, which never really worked. Robin took me to urgent care.

It was late at night and the place was deserted. They quickly checked me in, took my vitals and got me on pain medication. The medication they were using is called Dilaudid, ten times more powerful than morphine. It took them five doses to get me to the point where I could lay down long enough for a CT scan. It took another three to make the pain berable. It was clear that I needed to stay in the hospital while they further looked into what might be bothering me.

I woke up the next morning in pain. They had given me control of my own medication, as calling the nurse every ten minutes for more Dilaudid wasn't exactly a good use of their time. The on-call surgeon was stumped and kept saying things like, "Well, we might just have to get in there and look around." What he meant was cutting a huge incision across my mid section and peering into my angry insides. However, the first CT scan didn't reveal much and the surgeon thought a second one would be prudent, this time with my insides color-contrasted. I drank a concoction what tasted like Maalox and Sulfur. It was putrid, but I downed it quickly. Thankfully, the second scan revealed a blockage they would soon find to be Meckel's Diverticulum. Rather than a large incision wound to deal with, I was extremely greatful to hear that they could perform laparoscopic surgery.

After several days in the hospital and a week at home recovering, I returned to work last week looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday. We went to Robin's family's house and I was cleared to eat all manner of food (which I did). The next day, on Black Friday, we had the good sense to go shopping like completely sane individuals who aren't crazy at all ever. It turned out that despite the insanely packed parking lots, the shopping centers were managable and we actually got some incredible deals. Since I had been on pain medication until earlier that week, I barely noticed my jaw pain from the wisdom teeth. After Thanksgiving, however, that started up again.

I had run out of my pain pill prescription from the dentist and called to have it refilled. While on the phone with them, they were worried that I was still having pain and wanted me to come in to look around. Fortunately, they had an open slot while we were running around shopping. I have no cavities, infections or otherwise, so during the visit, the dentist pressed upon my gums and as I winced, said, "Yep, I can see that hurts." My scheduled appointment for the wisdom teeth removal was on the 22nd of January. The dentist reiterated that being on pain medication for that long really wasn't the best idea. That was about the 3,000th time I heard someone tell me that, and every time, my response was the same: "I realize that, but I'm not the one with the scheduling problem. YOU were the ones that scheduled me for January." This time, however, I was a bit more forceful, saying, "Look. I realize this. It is not my wish to keep taking pain medication for dental pain, but I don't know what else to say. You tell me you realize that I'm in a lot of pain, can plainly see as much from my X-Rays, yet you shrug and say, 'see you in January?'"

The dentist paused. "Let me see what I can do," he said while standing and walking away. He came back a couple minutes later with a smile, "How is next Thursday for you?" I felt relieved and told him that would be fine. We went over pre-operation procedures and the medication I'll be taking. I explained my recent surgery and told him I had anesthesia. Since I won't be going under for the teeth extraction, that wouldn't be a problem.

So there you have it. Three weeks ago I'm in surgery for Meckel's Diverticulum and this Thursday, I'll be getting all four of my wisdom teeth out. I'm very thankful to be working in a flexible environment and have enough time off saved up to deal with all this craziness. I'll even have enough vacation time to take the last two weeks of December off. So wish me luck and sacrifice a goat in the hopes that the rest of my body parts decide to stick around for a bit longer.