AWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!

Sorry about the Aerosmith track. But who cares! AWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Music

I was sitting at the computer last week reorganizing the music in my iPhone. Going over my music folder with a fine toothed comb, I took out stuff that I rarely listened to and replaced it with selections I haven't heard in a while. I added a bunch of classical music, the complete master tracks of Billie Holiday, Esquivel and OK Computer by Radiohead.

Growing up in a very conservative, very Christian home, we weren't allowed to listen to "secular" music until I was in high school. There wasn't an age limit for "such music," that's just when I decided to tell religion to fuck off. But in my formative years, the only music I had exposure to was the very linear, very predictable, very repetitive genre of Christian rock. Regardless of the actual sound, I discovered it all to be extremely formulaic and in a word, boring. The saving grace for me was piano, which opened my world to classical music and the understanding of music in general. At least I'm able to appreciate good music regardless of the message.

That said, when I came of musical age and started listening to popular music, I was dismayed to find that it was complete shit. Keep in mind that during this "secular awakening," the popular music to which I am referring are such timeless groups as Bush, TLC, The Spice Girls and most importantly, Chumbawamba. However, since I didn't have a history with "secular music," I didn't know where to turn. Through the years, I have lazily picked up music from people who recommended it to me.

To me, Radiohead was always, "that band that did Creep." I wasn't particularly turned on by that song, so I wasn't particularly interested in buying their music. Oh, and they were British and I try to buy American whenever possible. The Jeep Patriot that I totally own is a testament to my heartland values. Actually, when I put OK Computer on my iPhone, it was a sort of lame attempt to culture myself in new and different music. I was certain that I would only like a song or two and be done with it.

The opening measures of "Airbag" didn't just have me hooked - something inside me exploded and for once, it wasn't my liver. Because of my training on the piano, I rarely listen to the words of a song before the music. One of the main reasons I am turned off by modern musical groups is the simple fact that their music leaves nothing to be digested and their lyrics even less. They find their hook, repeat it several times, layer the hell out of it, and I'm left taking out my earbuds half way through the song. In the case of OK Computer, I found myself on the bus covering my ears to drown out the ambient noise. I wanted every drop, every eighth note, every reverberation to be mine.

There were complex rhythm sections, influences of eastern and African music, and everything fit perfectly. Thom Yorke's voice by itself could sound a bit whiny but with their music, Radiohead was unlike anything I had ever heard. Every song powerfully conveyed its message. It was readily apparent that these were incredibly talented musicians and writers doing an album that made them happy; screw you if you don't like it, but hopefully you do.

I haven't spent my birthday money yet, but you can rest assured that Kid A, Amnesiac, Hail to the Thief and In Rainbows will be on my iPhone before you can say "Thom Yorke."

Obesity Epidemic? Why, What Ever Do You Mean?

Doesn't it say in the apocalypse section of Revelation that one of the Four Horsemen would be pushing a lawnmower from the cushy seat of their Hoverround? Oh, and that the Horseman was insanely obese? And wore a pretty red hat with a pretty bow? I think it said that in like Chapter 13 or something...

I Know, Right?

When I put on my 'Lil Thinker Cap, the above statement/question doesn't really make sense to me, but I use it all the time. I blame Robin, who started using it before anyone else that I can think of, so thanks hon for giving me a conundrum! Let's work on this one together by me talking through it myself:

Now that I'm hearing "I know, right?," pretty much everywhere, I'm going to assume it has officially entered our commonly used phrases, OMG. Like any language, ours will evolve to resemble nothing close to what it grew from (English majors? I'm looking at you and your stupid Middle English which makes zero sense and nobody goddam cares anymore so shut up). That said, I still think it's important to examine what sense our newly-found phrases make, if any.

The way I sees it, "I know, right," is actually two distinct affirmations; "I know," and "right." "I know" simply affirms the validity of what was said based on the available data from one's Personal Data Warehouse. "Right?," as a question confirms validity, but only kinda. It does the same thing as "I know," only with less words (efficient German language!). However, since the emphasis is on the ? and said with a questioning tone, it softens that confirmation. This is not to say that one isn't confirming what they're hearing, but the normal oomph of "right" isn't there. Were it not for the ?, the phrase would be redundantly redundant; I know, right. With the ?, the actual words in the phrase are doubly confirming something, but really only 3/4 of the way. I know (1/2), right? (1/4).

Now let us take it one. Step. Further! While it is true that "I know" and "right" affirm validity, there is a subtle nuance (and grace?) to be explored. In my view, "I know" would most likely be stated in regards to something you wouldn't assume is objectively known. "OMG, that game was fantastic!," says my imaginary friend, to whom I reply, "I know." The game isn't something that most or all people would know about. A few days later, my imaginary friend and I are in a heated debate about the temperature of the sun when s/he says, "Solar flares are totally bitchin'!," to which I say, "Right!," because it is objectively known that solar flares are totally bitchin'.

So, when someone says, "I know, right?," what they are doing is validating with personal knowledge and adding a half-assed objective validation based on what they think should be objective knowledge. "Dude. Croissants are the best invention ever!," says a well-informed gentleman to his friend who replies, "I know, right?" Both of them agree that croissants are the best invention ever, but frankly, it should be objective FACT that croissants are the best invention ever. However, croissants have not yet been objectively proven to be the best invention ever, and because the well-informed gentlemen and his friend wouldn't want to come off as pretentiously all-knowing (right though they are), they use "I know, right?," to soften the blow.

"Dude. This blog post was totally pointless. I want those three minutes of my life back."

"I know, right?"