Open Letter To Our President
Dear George (W.),
This letter serves as my formal request for consideration of any major government position you have available. I would like to state that as a homosexual, I would make a valued addition to the pantheon of cultural backrounds already present in your appointees. I feel that I would work particularly well with the Department of Defense, because getting Donald Rumsfeld and I together would be like Perfect Strangers! Remember when Balfi ate the golf ball thinking it was an egg? That would be just like Donny and me. I would eat some important document and he'd be all, "Paaaaattttriiiiick! Where's my letter to the Pentagon?!", and I'd be all, "But Rummie! Eet vwas sho veery good!" (enter Fred Willard: "Hey, wha happen?").
Sorry, I'm rambling. I also think I would make a valued addition to our government because I am an American citizen, I have limited international travel experience, so you and I would have lots to talk about! I only speak a little French, but I promise I don't like them very much. Hee hee! The French are so funny, don't you think? Aah, look at mee. I ahm so very very Franch an I am so bettur zhan you!
So, why do I really think I'd make a good candidate for the job? Well, given your recent appointments of John Roberts, John Bolton and Harriet Miers, I'm definately as qualified as they are, perhaps even more so! Oh, and sorry to hear about our late FEMA director, Michael Brown. Hey, but that's what happens when you appoint someone who is too qualified for their position, right? Did you know that I can play piano and read philosophy? I can even do it at the same time, but I have limited success because it's hard to do two things at once, don't you agree? I mean, it's just like being on vacation while a natural disaster is occurring. People were so critical of your response, but if I were on vacation, I'd stay on vacation until it was almost over too! That's what makes sense after all. Do one thing at a time, you know?
Anyway, I hope you'll give my letter serious consideration. Take care, have fun ruin- I mean, running, our country!
Yours Truly,
Patrick Aaron Moore
This letter serves as my formal request for consideration of any major government position you have available. I would like to state that as a homosexual, I would make a valued addition to the pantheon of cultural backrounds already present in your appointees. I feel that I would work particularly well with the Department of Defense, because getting Donald Rumsfeld and I together would be like Perfect Strangers! Remember when Balfi ate the golf ball thinking it was an egg? That would be just like Donny and me. I would eat some important document and he'd be all, "Paaaaattttriiiiick! Where's my letter to the Pentagon?!", and I'd be all, "But Rummie! Eet vwas sho veery good!" (enter Fred Willard: "Hey, wha happen?").
Sorry, I'm rambling. I also think I would make a valued addition to our government because I am an American citizen, I have limited international travel experience, so you and I would have lots to talk about! I only speak a little French, but I promise I don't like them very much. Hee hee! The French are so funny, don't you think? Aah, look at mee. I ahm so very very Franch an I am so bettur zhan you!
So, why do I really think I'd make a good candidate for the job? Well, given your recent appointments of John Roberts, John Bolton and Harriet Miers, I'm definately as qualified as they are, perhaps even more so! Oh, and sorry to hear about our late FEMA director, Michael Brown. Hey, but that's what happens when you appoint someone who is too qualified for their position, right? Did you know that I can play piano and read philosophy? I can even do it at the same time, but I have limited success because it's hard to do two things at once, don't you agree? I mean, it's just like being on vacation while a natural disaster is occurring. People were so critical of your response, but if I were on vacation, I'd stay on vacation until it was almost over too! That's what makes sense after all. Do one thing at a time, you know?
Anyway, I hope you'll give my letter serious consideration. Take care, have fun ruin- I mean, running, our country!
Yours Truly,
Patrick Aaron Moore
posted by Infused Confusion at
3:01 PM
11 Comments:
you're goofy.
By
Ben A. Johnson, At
8:46 PM
And spiffy too!
By
Mr. Burns, At
8:54 PM
Wait a minute.. I don't remember saying that!
By
Mr. Burns, At
9:00 AM
Hee hee! That's cuz' I said that ;)
By
Infused Confusion, At
9:01 AM
That was awesome
By
Anonymous, At
4:47 PM
Rock on Pattie-poo.
By
Sara, At
6:55 PM
I think that might be the best thing I've read all week. Wha Happen?
By
ShannonRose, At
2:36 PM
Awesome.
I linked this in my new post.
By
Copy Editor, At
10:30 PM
I thoroughly enjoyed this "letter" and think it'd be great if you actually sent it. But maybe some government official has already read it because apparently they're monitoring my blog, and I have a link to yours on mine.
By
Liz, At
3:07 AM
BRING IT ON!!! I'd love to go to trial for being sarcastic. Boy, that'd be fun...
"Order in the court!"
(your mom's court...)
"I call the next witness!"
(who's totally your mom)
"The prosecution rests!"
(on top of your mom)
Ahhhhh, why does that joke never, ever, nerver get tired? ;)
By
Infused Confusion, At
10:16 AM
Liz -- I dont' know you, but if your blog is being monitored, you're in good company. You'll notice I sometimes speak directly to government officials and point them toward sites I think they should read. Alberto Gonzales has his own list of links on my blog. :)
Patrick -- I would do just about anything for you in exchange for you actually mailing that letter. Obviously promising sexual favors won't convince you, but that's how far I'd go.
And in light of todays, news, I must say to Dubya....
neener neener neener. *blows raspberry*
By
Copy Editor, At
3:57 PM
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