Me & The Horse I Rode In On

Thursday, March 30, 2006

My Life, According to Vegas

My lack of posting is unexcusable and shameful. I only hope Jesus can forgive me.

You should visit Robin's website for pictures of our trip. You may do so by clicking here.

Vegas was quite the experience. We arrived late Saturday night (around 10:30) and I've never seen such drunkness in my life. I don't mean me and Robin (although, we'd have a happy buzz before long) but there were HOARDS of people staggering around with their slushy drinks. I didn't see that many drunk people any other night we were there, but then I remembered it was Saturday night so of course there would be lots of drunkening.

We stayed at the Luxor hotel, you know, the pyramid one. It was beautiful and architecturally complex, but I was dismayed with the dated interior. I don't mean the statues and other decor which is actually quite nice, I mean the rooms. The carpet needs to be replaced and the bathrooms redone. Over all, however, it was quite nice. The interior of the pyramid is a gigantic atrium, with the casino floor on the first floor and foodstuffs on the second. The rest is completely open. To access your room, you must take an "inclinator" to the desired floor. Since the doors are all on the inside of the structure (obviously), you have the pleasure of walking along a balcony 21 floors up (if you were us) to reach room 21138. Due to the pyramid shape, should you poke your head over the side to take a peek at the vast expanse below, you very well may get dizzy. It's way, waaaaayyy up there. Even I, who fancy myself a conisseur of high places, had a difficult time. If you fell, it would be, like, totally devastating; no other floors to hit or grab onto on the way down, as they are falling away from you as you are hurling towards the Luxor IMAX theater.

We were with Doug and James, Vegas afficionados who really know what's up. They were invaluable in telling us what to avoid, what's worth our time and they were absolutely correct on both points. On our first day, Sunday, we attended the MGM's Champagne Sunday Brunch. $20 gets you all you can eat of their scrumptious offerings. A tip on top of that $20 means you will get service the likes of which you've never seen at a brunch. They take your ticket, stamp "TIP" on it, and it's made known to your server that you tipped. Of course, you're getting your own food, so can you guess what excellent service at a CHAMPAGNE brunch means? That's right, drunkening. I am not exaggerating in the least when I say that before I had finished 1/4 of my first glass of champagne, there was another full one waiting for me. The same went for all of us. Before the first few sips were taken, another magically appeared. At one point, Robin and I had each three full beverages in front of us. We were there for three hours and I was severly buzzed when we left. Another great thing about Vegas - wanna take your full drink with you? Go right ahead. You can even take it outside if you want, into another casino and leave it there. After experiencing that, I wish even more that the OLCC would go fuck their puritan selves.

Sunday night was Avenue Q at the Wynn casino. The show was a riot. If you've never seen two "muppets" get it on nakedly, go see Avenue Q. The actors were great, the stage was fabulous. The Wynn casino, however, is completely overrated. I saw a special on Vegas a while back and Steve Wynn was talking all this shit about how the Wynn will make the Bellagio look like something out of the back end of one's great grandpa, but he was totally wrong.

The next day we went to the Bellagio. Holy damn that place was by faaar my favorite (next to the MGM Grand). First, you can be me, a broke student who's not going to exactly spend more than $10 on slots and still feel like royalty. The casino itself is neatly organized, elegant without being Trump-like. The floors in the lobby are hand-laid mosaics with gorgeous stones like marble and travertine. The decor is warm and inviting. Then, of course, there's the Chihuli class sculpture and the garden (which changes its exhibit each month). Look at Robin's webpage for some great pictures of the garden and glass. I forgot to take a picture of the floor and I'm kicking myself for it.

A quick 20 minute walk across the street and you're at Cesar's Palace. Talk about Trump-like. This epic, sprawling hotel/casino is way, waaaaaay over the top but it's totally fabulous. We perused the Forum Shoppes and I found a nice pair of jeans at the Gap. We avoided going into such stores as Gucci, Fendi, Georgio Armani, the other Fendi and Chanel, because they wouldn't have paid attention to us anyway. We didn't gamble there, because we were going to a drag show later and we wanted to catch a glimpse of the Aladdin before going back to our hotels to change.

I really like the shops in the Aladdin. The shopping area winds its way around the casino without making you feel like you should be gambling. The other great thing was that the stores were kitchy and fun, the kind you wanted to go into. We ate at La Salsa and later that evening I discovered why that was a La No-No. We were really excited for this drag show at Krave, a nightclub in the Aladdin. Then my stomach got icky. I had a pounding headache and all I could do was writhe in my bed while Robin, Doug and James hung out at Mandalay Bay.

And now for the crown jewel in our Vegas trip - The Star Trek Experience. I awoke Tuesday with a tingling in my stomach and a spring in my step, for we were going to the LV Hilton to get Trekked. The Hilton itself is a crappy, old hotel off the strip. I mean, it's fine but nothing compared to the other hotels we'd seen. That's okay because we weren't there for the decor. We were there to see Klingons, Romulans and Ferengi. Before we went on the Borg Invasion 4D and the Klingon Encounter, we decided to have lunch in Quark's bar. Unfortunately, we had a terrible server who treated us like junk. She left us with such a bad taste in our mouths, offered no compensation what so ever for taking over an hour to bring us our food and I doubt we'll go back. Then we were on to the experience!!!!! For copyright and other considerations, I won't detail the journey, suffice to say it was incredible and all of you NEED to go. Need proof? You stand on the bridge of the Enterprise-D, recreated with exacting detail. I was in heaven even though the tactical pad didn't actually launch photon torpedos like I wanted it to.

To further our Tuesday experience, we got free tickets to the new Cirque du Soleil show, Ka. There we were, sitting merrily in the MGM Grand whilst patrons of the show lined up. A woman approached Doug and Robin (who were in the right place at the exact right time) and asked if they would like two tickets to the show. When Doug said there were four of us (thinking she wanted some money for them), she said, "oh no, I couldn't take money for them. I work for Coke, so, uh, drink Coke". DRINK COKE, PEOPLE. YOU ARE CONTRIBUTING TO A BENOVELENT COMPANY WHO WANTS TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE BY GIVING ME AND ROBIN FREE TICKETS TO STUFF. Doug, who had seen a SDS show before and is gracious and kind and giving, turned to Robin and said excitedly, "you should go". Meanwhile, I was off in my own little "Double Wild Cherry" land when Robin rushed up, said "we're going to Ka. I got free tickets. We have to go now." The show was beyond description. Neither of us had seen a SDS before and I was tearing up at the end. Robin and I weren't sitting together, for the two tickets were in different sections. I, however, was sitting in the row with all the Coke people and right next to the lady who gave us our free tickets. No kidding, about half way through the show, during a pause in the action, she leans toward me and says, "I'm so sorry I couldn't get you and your friend seats together." I looked her in the face and said, "you're kidding, right?" This was long after profuse thanking on my part for such a wonderful gift. What a sweetheart.

We spent that evening in Mandalay Bay, another hotel which I liked with a very great like. It smells like coconuts and a gentle sea breeze. The server's uniforms, however, were a nightmare in polyester form. Their legs were covered with really thick nylons (the kind the Hooters girls wear, for those of you who know what I mean). Over that, they were wearing an elaborate one-piece with a jacketed top and poofy sleeve flower that was hideous. The bottom of the one-piece, the part that covers these poor women's hoo-hoos was about an inch thick, so it wouldn't actually cover their hoo-hoo if those thick nylons weren't protecting their hoo-hoo. HOO-HOO!!

Wednesday was marked with another trip to the Bellagio for we had decided to indulge in their lunch buffet. Surprisingly, it wasn't that expensive for a 5-star hotel buffet, only $20. I had an inkling that this buffet may try to cheap out on me a bit, but I was gladly proven wrong. I couldn't possibly recount all the items on their display, it was enormous, but I will provide some of my favorites: Terakyi flank steak, swordfish, Mahi-Mahi, sushi (with REAL crab), Salmon Remoulade, smoked salmon, organic salad bar (a rarity in Vegas), charcuterie plate (a.k.a. fancy schmansy cheese plate), ravioli, four other pastas, super-fresh fruit, and the most over the top dessert selection you could ever in your life ever for infinity hope for at a buffet. I normally avoid the squirt of ice-cream with nuts and "chocolate syrup" in usual buffets. Instead, I was treated to crème brulée and a strawberry tart with a tiny-tiny mountain of strawberrys topping a crispy, macadamia nut shell. And yes, that is your mouth watering.

After some light gambling, it was off to the Venetian. I was again bowled over with the attention to detail in this casino. The "piazza" was recreated using pieces of famous Italian piazza. The shopping/eating area inside was flanked by the gentle songs of the gondoleers gently pushing their paying customers gently down the gentle water street gently flowing by. The ceilings were covered in elaborate frescoes, hand-painted, and the columns were actual red marble. You can see the pictures on the website. The casino there was okay. It was just a huge floor in the basement with little dividing it up.

Alas, we had to return on Thursday. We were both excited to see kitty, however. One last thing, the Las Vegas airport is quite nice. If you have a chance, eat at one of their restaurants. We did, and it was well worth it.

Speaking of worth it, go to Las Vegas if you feel the need to have a gluttonusly great time.